This is why I prefer to sit at the bar, even in restaurants (þ John Gushue). Things are a lot more pleasant when you know them and they know you.

And for what every fantasy you're indulging in about dumping a plate of spaghetti on my head, Ms. Waitress, well, right back at you. Hey, how's that acting career going anyway?

PS. don't be expecting "17%" for "adequate service". If you can't be bothered to provide "good" to "excellent" service, find a job somewhere else.