Man, you can't make this stuff up:
Ever the masters of punctilious regulation, the European Union's 25 Commissioner have outdone themselves with a code of conduct for their new and beautifully-appointed Brussels sauna.
A 10-point code sent to Peter Mandelson and his colleagues advises them on etiquette in the mixed facility, which opened last week. Nudity is de rigueur, according to the commission's infrastructure office, but bravado is not.
"Reckless competition about who stands heat best is out of the question. Leave your clothes in the dressing room - nakedness is natural," the code tells its 18 male and seven female commissioners. "Sweating makes swimsuits uncomfortable." The list of dos and don'ts is comprehensive. Commissioners in the sauna, installed in the EU's recently renovated Berlaymont headquarters in Brussels, are advised to take their time, allowing "at least an hour and a half" for each session.
I work at all the wrong places. It continues, probably for the benefit of French members:
Showers are required beforehand "to moisten the skin and remove any possible body or fragrant odours" and they are reminded to dry themselves with a towel afterwards.
And no Marxism in Europe:
The VIP sauna, which operates five days a week and at weekends on special request, is only for commissioners, heads of cabinet and special guests. A separate sauna for the rest of the commission's staff will offer all-male and all-female sessions, with mixed session on Fridays.
Book me in for Fridays, please. Then again, maybe not.
The saunas, with taxpayer-funded showers and whisks, have their critics. "It would seem that the commission needs instructions in even the simplest things in life," said Christopher Heaton-Harris, a Conservative MEP.
"Not many offices have saunas for their top executives even in the companies that perform well. The commissioners are just pampering themselves."
The commission moved back into the star-shaped building last year after being forced to leave in 1991 while asbestos was removed from the structure. The renovation overran by many years, and went tens of millions of euros over budget.